I’ve decided to create a cheat sheet for all of the new people just joining my recapping hijinks, as well as some of the old guard that get confused by shadows sometimes. It happens, guys–NO BIG!
Instead of you reading my recaps and being like this:
You’ll be like this:
First things first, a little about me:
My name is JC, and I’m a gifaholic.
This is my mother: . She’s an inappropriate hippie who cares more about rescuing neglected and abused hellhounds than “those gay brothers of yours.” She does appreciate a good drunk angel, however.
This is my boyfriend: . He is the person that got me into SPN and, by default, the reason that you are even reading this right now. The only two things you need to know about him: he would leave me in a heartbeat for Jensen Ackles and he hates poor Sam Winchester. Luckily, he does both those things in a humorous way that makes for good recaps.
I love nicknames. It’s a sickness. Some are obvious, and some are not, so let’s run through those (for characters dead and alive) that I might reference:
1) Sam Winchester = Dimples
- Obvious reason is obvious.
2) Dean Winchester = Freckles
- Those bastard make-up people try to fight it, but it’s no use!
3) Castiel = Sparks
- Because he has an interesting effect on light fixtures
- See also: Sparkles (Sparks/Freckles)
- See also: Toddstiel
4) Bobby Singer & Rufus Turner = BOBBY & RUFUS = OLD CAPS
- Because only capslock will suffice
- See also: Ellen Harvelle = ELLEN
5) John Winchester = Sir aka JDM-Get-In-Mah-Pants
- No, really, my pants are just sitting here waiting
- See also: Matt Cohen’s Thighs
6) Crowley = Fergus
- Also known as: Captain Stubing’s father and Demon!Romo Lampkin
- See also: Spergus (Sparks/Fergus)
7) Balthazar = Bicycle
- Because everyone gets a ride
8) Lisa Braeden = Orange Crush
- Because someone needs to stop cashing in those Mystic Tan coupons
9) Ben Braeden = Personalityless Emo Pre-Teen aka PEPT
- I would explain this but I just watched a Ben scene and fell asleep
10) Sheriff Jody Mills = Sheriff Sassy
- Because anyone that can not only fight her own zombie son but also escape the Curse of the Dead Vagina is alright in my book
11) Meg Masters = My Demon Queen
- Isn’t this obvious?
12) Samuel Campell & Family = G-Skinny (Grandpa Skinner) & the C-Unit
- Including Cousin STFU, Cousin GTFO, and Cousin Mute
13) Raphael = Sassy Gay Archangel
- I’ll just leave these here:
14) Jo Harvelle = Kewpie Doll
- Look at this picture and tell me you see any differences:
15) Casey = My Beautiful Demon Princess
- My favorite one-off character and my forever girl
16) Death = Death
- Because Death don’t need no fucking nickname
17) Eve = Teen Mom
- And her red wine spritzer
18) Adam Milligan = Previously known as Fug(lier than J2), but currently The True King of Hell
18) The Impala = The Most Important Object in the Universe
- Because, like Patrick Bateman before him, Dick Roman has to return some videotapes
20) Kevin Tran = The God Whisperer
- See also: Mama Whisperer
21) Amelia = Dr. Arwen
- And she lives in her treehouse in Keebler Village, Texas
- Because he’s Ruby with a penis
- See also: Don Alberto Salvatierra and his Telemundo Vampirico Amore
23) Jeremy Carver = Prince Carverling
- Because in the Fairytale that is life, the Prince will always disappoint you
Those we lost too soon: ALL THE BLACK MEN.
Pouring one out for you Dr. Matt
Random Shit You Should Probably Know To Not Be Lost:
1) Who is DON?
- The greatest mystery of Season Six for us around here was the identity of the mysterious DON in Freckles’ contact list. Every recap we make guesses and spot potential suspects.
EDIT: They have attempted to give us a few Faux-Dons to keep OG!Don’s identity a secret. We will not be fooled!
2) Bacon Is Hilarious
- At least the Crushes seem to think so
3) Epic Salt Zoom
- Nothing says excitement like dramatically zooming in on boxes of table salt
4) Sera’s Sledgehammer
- The tendency in Season Six to bash us over the head with things that would benefit with subtlety
5) My War With Dimples’ Hair
- Mutton Chops of Doom. Ducktail. RIP BANGS. Will it never end, Sam Winchester??
6) They cast random Stargate & BSG people just to fuck with me *looks around paranoid*
- Because the only two guest stars I want are the only two that I’ll never have:
7) Truck Stop Mouth (TSM)
- The way to make a living when times are hard
- Robo!Sam’s life motto that soon turned into the writers’ (and ours!) as well
9) Pedo Dog
- I think this is pretty self-explanatory
- Thank you, Jeremy Carver
Finally, to wrap this sucker up so you can go read the damn recaps already, you should be aware that these recaps will be shippy as fuck, because that’s how I (and the show) roll. To give you a handy guideline to what you might see, here is my list of my Top 10 OTPs (and yes, I know that’s an oxymoron, you SHUSH!)
3) OLD CAPS
4) Robo!Sam/DON DP-ing AU!Jensen
7) Gen/Misha/Padalpaca from “The French Mistake”
What are you still doing here??
GO READ MY RECAP!