AKA THE LONG AWAITED RETURN OF STARCHILD!!! WOOT WOOT WOOT!!
AND THERE WILL BE PUPPETS!
YES YOU HEARD RIGHT! PUPPETS!
Here is all the NYC scenes thanks to devenlane:
Now I didn’t review last weeks because I got lazy and bored and the gang was visiting NYC and Billy Joel was being sung and Blaine’s ass was being kissed like it was the most magical of asses and I was all ZZZZZZZZ. Also I had to save up all my recap skillz for this week. Because Elliott “Starchild” Gilbert is back bitches and shit is about to get real! EVEN THOUGH “SHIT GETTING REAL” LASTS LESS THAN 10 MINUTES BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON THE SHOW REFUSES TO FOCUS ANY ATTENTION TO THE ONLY GOOD THING LEFT ABOUT THE DAMN SHOW.
But before that let me briefly sum up the parts no one cares about:
1.) Blaine is bossy. He is bossy and thinks he knows all the answers to winning Nationals because he is a senior and his bow ties HOLD ALL THE SEKRITS OF THE UNIVERSE. The rest of glee club thinks he is a tiny, Urkel outfit wearing dictator and he needs to stop “man-strating” which is an offense to all actual menstruating women everywhere who, even in the deep throws of PMS, don’t throw as tantrum-y tantrums as Blaine throws here.
2.) Sue likes some dude who thinks SHE is a dude as well even though she has clearly visible breasts. So she goes on a crusade to become more feminine, including walking in heels (Oh hey that clompy clomp looks like me in heels! Heh.) and having an old timey Fred & Ginger song and dance number with Will to “Cheek to Cheek”.
3.) Blaine is crazy and starts hallucinating (because of some kind of choir room gas leak because ya know…SCIENCE!) that all the glee club members are puppets. All the puppets then kiss his ass, demonstrating that his psyche is totally fucked up.
4.) Puck 2.0 has some girl drama. No one gives a fuck.
5.) Ohio has ARTS AND CRAFTS classes in high school. Why was this not a thing in my school? I make a mean pipe cleaner Eiffel Tower.
6.) MAKING PUPPET BOYFRONDS IS TOTALLY NORMAL RIGHT? RIGHT!?!
7.) FISTING JOKES ABOUT YOUR PUPPET FIANCE’S BUTT IS JUST GOOD COMEDY NO?
8.) Blaine manages to have a phone argument with puppet!Kurt that I am not sure is a hallucination or real, and of course in his mind he is some kind of noble hero or something? I can’t really follow this LSD infused episode. I mean it seems like Kurt did get into an argument with him but….I DON’T EVEN KNOW MY OWN NAME ANYMORE.
9.) LIKE DO THEY WANT US TO BE CREEPED OUT BY BLAINE? TO HATE HIM? TO THINK HE IS A GIANT NARCISSIST? OR IS THIS THEIR WINK WINK HA HA TO FANS THAT ALREADY DISLIKED HIM? EITHER WAY, THIS WHOLE TAKING THE PISS OUT OF YOURSELF AND YOUR CRITICS ONLY WORKS IF THE WRITING IS GOOD AND FUNNY AND NOT TOTAL CRAP THAT MAKES EVERYONE NEED A STIFF DRINK AFTERWARDS. DON’T PAT YOURSELVES ON THE BACK TOO HARD THUR WRITERS…YOU’RE NOT THAT CLEVER TBH.
10.) Best part of the Lima side:
AND THAT’S WHAT YOU MISSED WHILE YOU WERE WAITING FOR THE NYC PARTS AND WISHING YOU WERE IN A REAL COMA NOT JUST A TURKEY COMA….
(More after the cut)