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SEASON 10


CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: FORGET THE KIDS…THIS IS *MY* NOW!! I’M FREEEEEEE!

Tonight marks the end of a long and tumultuous journey. I set out–quite foolishly as some would say–to once again recap American Idol, and what I lost in sanity I gained in LULZ and new gifs and a new hatred of the word beautiful. Thank you for joining me on this wild ride of bullshit …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: TOP TWO PERFORM. IT’S THE FINAL HOE DOWN!!

MY FINALE RESULTS RECAP WILL BE UP SOMETIME MONDAY! SORRY FOR THE DELAY BUT 2 HRS YO UGH.     Tonight two Idol giants will square off against each other. A battle to the death of epic musical proportions. The stage has been set, the cowboy boots have been shined, individual pieces of hay have …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: TOP 4 RESULTS. GOODBYE JAMES. YOU HURT MY EARS BUT AT LEAST YOU CAN AFFORD DIAPERS NOW!

  Results time!! The top three is now!! The end is near! Rejoice! One person will get a shot at super stardom while the others will be stuck mowing Scotty’s lawn. Come on guise you know he has this win as locked down as his doors before he turns them lights down low(Fight the power …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: TOP 4 PERFORM. EVERYONE LOVES JESUS AND THE USA AND IS AMAZING….EXCEPT HALEY.

Time for another episode and I am going to ONCE AGAIN pretend that I did not watch this episode in real time and tweet up a storm of anger (@chunkeymonkey81 pimp!! pimp!!) at the sheer absurdity of what was happening on my TV. I have always known that there was a certain degree of producer …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: TOP 5 RESULTS. WELCOME TO THE JLO PROMO HOUR. NOW WITH EXTRA GLOW!

Tonight’s show starts and I am all excited because we are thismuch closer to the top four, and that means we are thismuch closer to the top three which means we are thismuch closer to the top two which means we are sooo close to me not having to ever watch this show again!!! Ryan …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: TOP 5 PERFORM. WHO CARES IF YOU SOUND LIKE SHIT IF YOU’RE IN IT TO WIN IT!!

I am going to start this recap with the one thought that kept running through my mind as I watched this disaster (Besides “Die die die die !” and “If I ever hear “in it to win it” again I will take to the nearest clock tower!”)… WHEN IS X FACTOR GOING TO FUCKING START …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: TOP 6 RESULTS. CASEY HAS A TINY HOLE. REPEAT. CASEY HAS A TINY HOLE. THAT IS ALL.

  Tonight’s results show starts and the judges come on out–Steven looking like he just time traveled from the 1970′s and is a bit disoriented, while Randy’s left man boob seems to be bleeding. OH NOES! Or maybe JLo’s red dress just rubbed off on him? Not sure. Ryan says that a lot of fans …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: TOP 6 PERFORM. WHY ISN’T THIS SHOW AN HOUR YET? SON OF A BITCH!!!!

Welcome to top six night, a night that could easily be accomplished in an hour but NO! No, we are going to stretch this out to 90 fucking minutes just to piss me the hell off. Why? Because we need craptastical DUETS!!! Excuse me while I start laughing in a hysterical, vaguely maniacally way that …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: TOP 7 RESULTS. DAVID COOK IS STILL ALIVE AND KATY PERRY GETS PROBED BY ALIENS!

The show starts and the words flashing across the screen remind us that only seven remain and that their future is in our hands. MUWHAHAHAHA. I feel so powerful! I AM THE PUPPET MASTER!!! It asks “who is your favorite?” and “did you vote?” subtly guilting us all for not really giving a shit. The …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: TOP 7 PERFORM. RANDY FINALLY DECIDES TO DO HIS JOB FOR ONCE. WOW. I AM ASTONISHED!

Tonight’s show starts up to Katy Perry’s ‘Firework’ as we see some footage of the contestants auditions. Jacob was a spazzy overdramatic queen, Haley was blonde, Stefano had some burning I hope he got checked out—could be a UTI!–and Scotty was bland and country-fried. Nothing really changes does it? MEMMOOORIEEEES! Then the judges roll out–where …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: TOP 8 RESULTS. *SPOILER ALERT* R.I.P BEDAZZLED ROSE SUITS. WE HARDLY KNEW YE’.

   Tonight’s results show starts and we get some grainy, film style footage of the Idols talking about how no one is safe or something–not sure I wasn’t really paying attention–and the judges giving critiques sooooo off the mark it’s scary. God show we really do not need to be reminded of the judges incompetence …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: TOP 8 PERFORM. THRILL AS RANDY NAME DROPS EVERY MUSICIAN THAT EVER LIVED!

  We open tonight’s show with some SUPER DRAMATIC footage of Pia’s boot from last week. Oh the sweet injustice! Just as I was finally beginning to heal from this tragedy they go and reopen all of my wounds!! Oh the Idol horror! Pia is cut! Pia is cut! Swarms of locusts fill the air! …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: TOP 9 RESULTS. IT’S A WILD ONE. A REAL WILD ONE.

      It’s rock and roll results night and Ryan tells us that tonight could be a very shocking results show. Could it be shocking because Randy is gonna be wearing a full patent leather suit? Or could the shocking thing be that Constantine Moraulis is back to perform? Wait, no the really shocking …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: TOP 9 PERFORM. ROCK AND ROLL FANTASY? TRY ROCK AND ROLL NIGHTMARE.

  Tonight’s show opens and we get some weird ass intro with Ryan walking out onto the stage with the contestants, which makes me all kinds of dizzy, before JLo, Steven, and Randy’s gay brother Schmandy comes out in a black patent leather jacket. WUT DA FUCK. (“He made it out of melted Journey records …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: TOP 11 RESULTS. AGAIN. DOUBLE THE GROUP NUMBERS, DOUBLE THE…..FUN?

Tonight’s show starts off with some dramatic, sad piano music and we learn that two people will get cut tonight because there are no more saves. Oh, and we also will not believe who is going home. Somehow I find that hard to believe because at this point I wouldn’t be surprised to see any …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: TOP 11 PERFORM. AGAIN. HOLD ME CLOSER TINY DANCER. THIS IS GONNA SUCK AND I AM SCARED.

Welcome to another week of Idol awesomeness. Tonight the Idols are gonna sing some classic Elton John. Originally the theme was rumoured to be “The 80′s” WHICH WOULD HAVE BEEN TEN TIMES MORE AWESOME.I love Elton, don’t get me wrong, but I love the 80′s a wee bit more. Granted most of them didn’t even …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: TOP 11 RESULTS. LET’S HOSPITALIZE CASEY AGAIN!!! THIRD TIME IS A CHARM!

Tonight’s results show begins and over the epic drama filled footage of last night’s show we see the following phrases: “They conquered the classics” and “And captivated a nation”. Obviously the writers for this show were watching a previous season on youtube or something because last night did not captivate anyone. Unless you are like …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: TOP 11 PERFORM. RANDOM CELEB AUDIENCE SIGHTINGS AHOY!

Well I have to say that the implementation of project HITS SEEKING GRATUITOUS ADAM LAMBERT GIFSPAM went off like gangbusters! The implementation of having him as a guest judge also added to the hits–erm I mean the QUALITY of this recap. Yes, because who cares about hits, right? I mean it’s all about the QUALITY. …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: TOP 12 RESULTS. RYAN THROWS AROUND THE WORD “SUPERSTAR” LOOSELY DOESN’T HE?

  Are you ready for some RESULTS??!! Are you ready for some LEE DEWYZE?!?! Are you ready for some Black Eyed Peas?!?!? ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!!??! WOOOOO! Well get ready guys because you are gonna get 3 outta 4 tonight and it is gonna be awesome!!* *not awesome in any way shape or …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: TOP 12 PERFORM. THE ONE WHERE EVERYONE SUCKS AND I BLATANTLY USE ADAM LAMBERT FOR HITS.

I start this recap with a little bit of trepidation seeing as how last week’s results recap blew the roof off this MOTHA!! How could I possibly top that recap? The sheer hits alone were probably more than any of last season’s recaps combined! So I sat back and pondered for a while why that …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: TOP 13 RESULTS. I’M IN THE AFTERMATH OF LEARNING HOW TO DOUGIE.

Tonight is the first results show of season 10 and boy is there excitement in the air! I guess it could be because DIDDY DIRTY MONEY is here and all but I dunno. I mean, yes, DIDDY DIRTY MONEY is pretty amazing and that’s all everyone I knew was talking about this week. “Did you …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: TOP 13 PERFORMANCE NIGHT. EVERYONE STILL SAFELY INSIDE THEIR MUSICAL BOX? CHECK! CHUNKEY BORED? CHECK!

Welcome to the start of the live shows baby! Ok well maybe it isn’t exactly live this week (it’s pretaped) but we do finally get to see our top 13 in action. Tonight they are singing songs from their personal idols and got to work with Jimmy Iovine and his gang of overpaid peeps. Let’s …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: THE TOP 13 ARE CHOSEN AND JLO SHOWS US HOW TERRIBLE MUSIC CAN REALLY BE.

Tonight we choose the top 12. Tonight shit gets real yo. Tonight dreams have come to die. Die.  Die. DIIIEEEE. And this is further reinforced by the funeral music that starts to play during the opening over a montage of the auditions of all those unfortunate souls who will leave tonight and question their place …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: TOP 12 GIRLS. TONIGHT WE FINALLY LEARN RYAN’S STRIPPER NAME!

Tonight the top 12 girls get their chance to shine and I am hoping they can bring the OTT and CRAY and WTF like the guys did, but I am not holding my breath. The fact that I can only even remember two of the girls, AND I RECAP THEM EVERY WEEK, does not bode …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: TOP 12 BOYS. TWELVE, THIRTEEN, FOURTEEN HAIR FLIPS! AH, AH AH!

Tonight kicks off another week of shows in which Idol is trying to break my recapping spirit. At least it’s only one and a half hours tonight and not two. Small victories people. It’s time for the top twelve guys to duke it out and this year they are bypassing the silly side stage and …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP. WE’RE STILL BUILDING THE TOP 24? WELL FUCK ME.

Tonight I dedicate my recap to someone very special. Her name rhymes with feather, she is Canadian, and she is a dream crushing hoar!! You know you are an evol maple syrup wielding Canuck, eh? Isn’t it bad enough that you sick BIEBER on us (yes you are personally responsible for him by simply being Canadian)?? Now you …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP. BUILDING THE TOP 24: THE BEATLES. THEY’RE A BAND RIGHT?

This week we cut the crap and start building our top 24. Yay! Well, we don’t really cut the crap so much as we EXPAND it to 3 fucking hours of crap and only 1 hour of actual singing performances. And within that 1 hour is alot of random filler as well, so let’s say about …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: HOLLYWOOD WEEK SOLO NIGHT. IT’S MY PEROGATIVE TO SING GEORGIA WITH A GIANT BASS IF I WANT TOO!

  Tonight the drama and cat fights of group day are over and we can finally focus on the singing. Plus we get EPIC MOVING AROUND OF PICTURES which always warms the cockles of my shriveled, cynical heart. I wonder whose job it is to take and print out all those contestant photos? Does a …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: HOLLYWOOD GROUP ROUND. THEY MADE CHUBBY BIEBER CRY! SOMEONE HOLD MY WEAVE!

  Welcome to TWO HOURS OF HELL. Which is even more hellacious when you didn’t realize it was gonna be two hours. God damnit. Last week the show sent over 150 contestants home leaving the rest to battle it out in an episode which is 90% bullshit and 10% actual singing. This has to be …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: HOLLYWOOD WEEK. I HAVE NO SNAZZY TITLE BECAUSE LITERALLY NOTHING OF INTEREST HAPPENED.

Welcome to Hollywood week. The culmination of an epic journey which is kinda pointless seeing as how it’s just one big rehash of the same few singers they already featured during the audition rounds.  YAWN. Randy says that it’s the bestest year ever, which kinda loses it’s meaning when EVERY year is the bestest. 327 …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: AUDITIONS SAN FRANSISCO. WE JUST BLEW OUR SOB STORY WAD. WAS IT AS GOOD FOR YOU?

Welcome to auditions in San Fransisco, aka the last audition stop this year! It’s also time to let out all the sob stories we may have missed. Leprosy? CHECK! Eyes gouged out by a wild turkey? CHECK! Tragic double orange mocha frappucino gas station accident? CHEEECK! And boy you guys are in for the motherload! WOOOO! Speaking of sob …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: AUDITIONS LA. WE HAVE MILLIONS, NO BUNCHES, OF AUDITIONERS! MAYBE EVEN CHAKA KHAN!

  Another night, another Idol, and this time we are setting foot in LA. The show opens by highlighting some of the “best talent they have found in 10 seasons” but don’t they say that, like, EVERY SEASON? And let me tell you, I have already watched this episode and…SPOILER ALERT….that is a bold faced …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: AUDITIONS AUSTIN. SAVE A HORSE, RIDE JOHN WAYNE!

We open tonight with a super serious segment that was much hyped as the apology of the century or some nonsense. Steven is going to apologize for something we were told, leaving everyone guessing and questioning their faith in God or whatever. What could it be? Is he apologizing for his excessive yelling of jibberish? …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: NASHVILLE AUDITIONS. COUNTRY STEREOTYPES, LOVE TRIANGLES AND RANDY IS THE VOICE OF REASON. HOLD ONTO YER COWBOY HATS YA’LL!

Welcome to a mercifully one hour episode of auditions, this time coming at cha’ from Nashville, Tennesse where 17,000 people took over the main drag to try out and totally piss off any business owners who may be on said street. Tonight’s try outs are being held at the Ryman Auditorium of the famous Grand …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: AUDITIONS MILWAUKEE. THERE WILL BE GOKEY. OH YES.

Another UNGODLY two hours of Idol starts off with some impromptu singing of ‘Sweet Emotion’ with reworked lyrics about people who can’t sing by Steven while Randy stares on stupidly, as he often does, before it progresses into the real song….because SHIT JUST GOT REAL YO! We are in Milwaukee! The excited crowds pimp their …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP: AUDITIONS NEW ORLEANS. THE BIG EASY. WHERE HOMOEROTICISM RUNS WILD!

Get ready for auditions night two electric my hand is cramping from writing so much-aloo! WOOO! I didn’t think i was gonna be able to make it through recapping another fucking TWO HOURS of Idol back to back in one night like I did for the premiere, so imagine my utter joy when I found …

CHUNKEY’S IDOL RECAP SEASON 10: AUDITIONS NEW JERSEY. IF YOU’RE NOT 16 THEN GTFO!

So welcome to a new season of American Idol. And not just only any season guys, it’s tenth season! Let’s celebrate a decade of mediocrity sprinkled with dashes of greatness! I hear the traditional tenth year gift is tin or aluminum so maybe I can give the show one of my old discarded tinhats? Hmm. …

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