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May 08

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Supernatural 8.21: Canon is what you make of it, my friends

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As I sat down to write this recap, I thought about how freaking wanky everyone in fandom is right now and I couldn’t help wondering “why is everyone so angry?” I’m including myself in that in the sense that I kept getting upset at dumb shit on the show this season, and then I just had to remember that it’s a silly (and fun!) genre show on the CW and it’s really not that serious. I mean, guys, we are living in the post-LOL CANON world, and it’s hilarious.

Embrace the LOL CANON. Love the LOL CANON.

Lets just consider ourselves living in an AU. I mean, not the good kind of AU where Smith and Wesson fuck in the elevator or anything. But lets just imagine that, once upon a Kripke, Sam and Dean jumped together into a big CGI hole in the ground and halfway down, God zapped them back up and said “good work, fellas!” and then sent them on their way, in their hotass car, to see the Grand Canyon for the very first time. And that was the end of that.

But now? Now we are in the AU where Casper Van Dien and Colonel Samantha Carter found a Stargate in a treehouse and rode that bitch all the way to the Telemundo production of “Mi Cielo Vampirico”, guest starring two contractually obligated underwear models, one dude with a lot of obsessive twitter followers, and that Mark Sheppard guy, who will guest star in anything.

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 We open up on the Whisperer, who looks like he’s also living through Date Night aftermath

Aftermath-of-a-benderWe say to ourselves “Self! Something must be off because we know that the Whisperer disappeared from Dobby’s Houseboat of Incompetence!” But then the LOL CANON-lovin’ part of ourselves says “Maybe that never actually happened tee-hee!”

However, things seem strangely back to normal when Freckles gets a facial

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Dimples is jealous and tries to work his, um, dimples, in order to get a facial, too. The Whisperer doesn’t fall for it

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They claim to have the other half of the tablet, but we know something is off because they are basically recreating the Krak-chester episode. You can always tell when Dimples is not Dimples because of how smarmy Jared looks

SPN821HD_0122It’s all in the eyebrows, really

The Whisperer ~gets to work~ on the third trial as the Faux-chesters leave the boat and walk through the Stargate that Fergus stole from Amanda Tapping to reveal themselves as that uber-dork from Superbad and some black guy that will likely die.

Fake-WinchestersFergus tells Superbad that he’s a horrible Faux-Dimples because he’s doing the smarmy eyebrows. Also, he’s sounding like asshole instead of a whiny brat, which is like, totally backwards for the Winchesters, you know? Fergus says he’s going to have to erase the Whisperer’s memory of Date Night if he keeps it up, and none of us want that.

This also seems to confirm that Mama Whisperer is probably dead, so the Dead POC Count in 8.19 just went up to FOUR. Good times!

Director-CrowleyNot sure when demons got the ability to create earth-bound illusions or erase people’s memories like angels, but we’re living in a new world, baby!

…which might be in the Egyptian Art wing of the Met Museum. No one is sure

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Over to the Fortress of Solitude, where our boys are living in blissful domesticity.

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LOL no they’re not–Freckles is trying to feed Dimples to get his strength back for Date Night Part Deux: The Soprano Sings Again

tumblr_mm5nitkrNq1qicm2eo1_250_zpse79d1688Awwwwww the airplane spoon! And the thermometer! Like Kat named this gif, “at least it’s not rectal”

At-least-its-not-rectalDimples is like “WHIIIIIIINE” and stands up to show off Dat Ass. Maybe he wants the rectal!

Supernatural_8x21_samples__11_Freckles gives that part a thumbs-up

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Then he gets all Mama Bear and I must be soooooo easy in this post-LOL CANON world because it makes me awwwww.

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Nurse-DeanDimples reminds him that losing his High B is likely permanent and he’ll probably never sing Act I again

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They are saved by the ding, as the boys get an email from the Whisperer on their joint account. Any guesses as to what that is? [email protected]? [email protected]? [email protected]?

The email has one of those “I’m totally dead if you are watching this because you were too stupid to move me to your super secret underground bunker” videos.

Dead-prophetFreckles gets maaaaaaaaad at the fact that Jeremy Carver made them really stupid, and just misses taking it out on the lamp as usual

oliviapurefoy_zps245caa49They try to get a hold of Dobby, who is AWOL because of course he is. It’s Dobby, people. Trusting him to watch the prophet who is translating the world of God on a dirty houseboat in the middle of Missouri is as stupid as turning Hell into a S&M club or thinking the audience actually likes Grasshopper cookies.

Freckles is like “maybe we should have moved the prophet of the Lord here to the super secret underground bunker” and Jared Padalecki’s cheekbones are like “no shit, Cumberbatch”

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Over to a Biggersons in Santa Fe, where Sparks is eating fried foods and coffee and has hair verging suspiciously on hobo-territory. I suspect Date Night fever is contagious!

TemptersThere is also talk of a goat, but that is verging a little too close to the wrong kind of kink bingo, if ya know what I’m sayin’.

He zaps off, however, before two more White Dick Angels can appear to interrogate the unfortunately waxed eyebrowed twink that sees him disappear into thin air.

SPN_0349Not the first time this kid has been in this position

White Dick #1 reports back to Amanda Tapping about the fact that Sparks is jumping Biggersons to avoid them or something, who knows. Amanda is too distracted by trying to figure out how Fergus stole her Stargate

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Over to the Fortress, where Freckles sums up this season

SPN_0395Dimples, meanwhile, remembers that he’s supposed to be re-creating S1 and brings up some random class that he had at Stanford. He recognizes some symbol in the Whisperer’s notes or the Magical Library or something-something-just-pretend-you-care.

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Supposedly the Magical Library tells them that Alan Rickman is hiding out on a reservation somewhere. Freckles hopes that he can buy some tax-free cigarettes while he’s there, to put in the trunk and save for a rainy day with the moldy chicken feathers.

Dimples proves his Dimple-ness. No smarmy eyebrows here!

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Whoa!

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Goddamn you, Edlundian close-ups!

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Oh yeah, this is definitely an Edlund episode

SPN_0453Fucking angels.

StopOver to the reservation, where Freckles is trying to get a giggle out of the rather stoic front desk man, as Dimples communes with the fish-eye lens

Pointy-nose-camFreckles is like “at least he’s not seeing Satan anymore, amirite??”

Looney-toonsBack to Biggersons, where Amanda Tapping is running down the greatest hits of Angel Dickitude. Then she starts in on what I believe is our first real Sparks retcon of the season. And you get a retcon, and you!

Cas-crackYou know, I think this new idea that Sparks was ~created a rebel~ or whatever actually makes him and his journey over 4 seasons a lot less interesting. First of all, it’s takes away from a lot of the “wooo free will!” aspect of it, and the process of him learning and growing because of his experience from good soldier to thinking and acting for himself (a journey paralleled neatly with Freckles). It also takes away from the contrasts between him and Uriel and him and Anna, which were some of the more interesting parts of S4 and the introduction of the angels. Alas!

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I will say that I’m pleased to report that it’s looking like Amanda Tapping and the Angel Black-op Ninjas are the ones who have had the Continuity Department in the secret CIA prison since 2009. Whew, mystery solved!

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Over to the Stargate, where the Whisperer is sending Superbad and Soon-to-be-Dead out to get him some baby back ribs. Fergus muses that he would have been a great Freckles, if only to give him a chance to be inside Jensen Ackles (hey-yo!)

iQWy9kZBack to the room at the reservation, where Ben Edlund attempts to recreate the classic drunk!Sammy scene from Playthings, but fails miserably because of lack of face-grabbing, Dimples bed humping, and complete and total annihilation of basic canon.

tumblr_mm6da7aPp91rbi0oio3_250Yeah, really though, nope.

Farty-donkeySeriously, dude, just shut up already.

Bedtime-SammySo LOL CANON this season has managed to ruin BOTH of my two dream series finale scenarios. In the first, the guys, after doing whatever it is they do, get in their hotass car and, as a reward for being relatively awesome, take a break and drive off into the sunset towards the Grand Canyon, finally, before having to fight on another day.

In my other, deeper, wish for the series finale, My Queen Meg runs over both guys with the Impala and then drives off into the sunset towards the Grand Canyon because they never got to see it and she finds their misery hilarious.

tumblr_lw9mnmSGFO1qe9apmo4_250So, yeah.

*sad horns*

Over to Freckles, who is asking some wise man dude about this messenger of God thing, and recognizes Old Big and Silent from the front desk in some old picture on the wall. I’m feeling uncomfortably like this is going to turn into “Native Americans worshipping some white dude”…and that’s totally what it is because of course it is lol

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Back to the sick bed, where Dimples takes the pointy-nose-cam (as Kat calls the fish-eye lol) for a ride in the hallway of doom, which looks kind of like the 8.19 Hell set, but without the whips and chains.

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Consumption makes him a creeper, and he spies Big and Silent delivering UPS packages full of English Lit to a room that probably contains someone whose name rhymes with Smallan Smickman.

SPN821HD_1162He runs back to the room to call his brother but, oh noes The Consumption!

Tweet-failBack to Biggersons, where Amanda is not happy with Sparks’ attitude.

Pull-apartLuckily (?), Fergus chooses that moment to come in with a gun with bullets made out of the random angel sword he managed to procure, which is a pretty neat trick actually. I’ll give him that one!

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Back to the reservation, where the Date Night Aftermath has taken a chilly turn

Cold-TSMMama Bear towels him dry

CaretakerIs it weird that I think Jared looks really hot (teehee) in this scene?

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Gratuitous Jensen Ackles’ Face™ for Deangirl-required balance

SPN_0798Oh yeah, and something about Dimples hearing Alan Rickman in his head. NO BIG!

Back to woobie Sparks, who is in the middle of a face-off between Fergus and Amanda over the stolen Stargate. Amanda angel-blinks first.

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Fergus then reveals that White Dick Angel #1 is on his payroll as well, since everybody wants to hang with Mark Sheppard these days. Oh, and he shoots Sparks in the gut, because every woobie needs to bleed from all orifices (that’s what Alastair said!)

GutshotOh hey, the blood is dripping into the crevices of his chapped lips and it’s almost artistic lol

SPN_0884Then, because Fergus is kinky and likes chapped lips and goats, he gets to some fisting.

FistingPoor Jimmy Novak, reduced to a storage locker.

SPN_0925Don’t even want to know how he got that in there

Just then, Superbad and Soon-to-be-Dead call to inform him that the Whisperer is smarter than the average prophet (sorry, Chuck) and sent the Faux-chesters on a wild goose chase to Devil’s trap land. Fergus goes to deal with that situation, while White Dick Angel #1 supervises the woobie.

Back to the reservation, where Dimples is tripping (literally) down memory lane as they head to Alan Rickman’s room. Awwwwww, we need more Weechester episodes, but that stupid Colin Ford had to go grow up and stuff. Bastard!

Then he remembers how bad the water pressure is in motels:

I'm-not-cleanTry Irish Spring, Sammy.

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Yeah, that works, too!

Jensen Ackles’ Face™ contemplates poor woobie bb!Sammy. SPN_0973…or he’s contemplating what he’s going to have for lunch. Undetermined.

They head down to Alan Rickman’s room, which looks like a librarian version of Hoarders. Meanwhile, Jensen uses this episode to fondle Jared as much as possible.

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Then, suddenly, Metatron is revealed as…not Alan Rickman at all.

tumblr_llzmei42bH1qa2c14o1_500Oh thank God they cast Booger from Revenge of the Nerds as Metatron! Because I was worried they were going to add too much gravitas to this arc, you know?

booger_revenge_nerdsWell now we know why he was cast

Not sure why an angel needs a shotgun, but okay! Dimples, knee deep in angel radio feedback, pulls a Reese Witherspoon on poor sheltered St. Booger.

WinchestersBack to Fergus’ satellite office, where White Dick Angel #1 is explaining to woobie Sparks why he became a CIA/KGB double agent. Meanwhile, Sparks is performing a magical angel c-section on himself and out-doing all the kink bingo so far this year. Take that Pedo-Dog!

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No, really, ew.

Over to the Stargate, where Fergus is mad that the Whisperer won’t share his ribs. He wants his baby back!

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The Whisperers says he figured out the Faux-chesters were faux because they weren’t complete assholes like the Winchesters. Makes sense to me!

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Back to the reservation where St. Booger is like “tell me about canon!” and the boys are like “LOL CANON!”

Winchesters1St. Booger says it’s his fault that Dimples lost his High B, but he should have known better before trying to sing Traviata in the first place, you know?

After that, St. Booger literally pulls up a chair to give us endless bits of exposition about the daddy issues of the angels (*yawn*) and how Chuck is banging strippers in Australia. NO BIG!

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Back to White Dick Angel #1, who is lamenting how distraught he was working for Amanda and having to watch the Continuity Department languish in the black-op prison for so many years. I mean, who is there to remember the Grand Canyon? No one, I tell you, no one!

Sparks thinks continuity is for pussies, and ganks White Dick Angel #1 with an angel bullet mpreg baby right to the eyeball.

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Back to St. Booger, who is still not Alan Rickman.

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Anyone else think St. Booger is a little creepy? I think he’d probably appreciate chapped lips, goats, fisting, and graphic mpreg as well. Maybe even at the same time–kinky!

P.S. good to see Ben Edlund’s meta megalomania is approaching Kripke-esque levels. At least something feels familiar.

You-become-godsDimples is over these angel shenanigans. Join the club, buddy!

Pull-the-triggerMama Bear continues protective fondling.

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Freckles steps in to batman-voice shame St. Booger about the Whisperer, who they still think is dead.

SPN821HD_2118The Whisperer, as we know, is the only smart person left on the show, and is in fact alive. However, that’s not going to be for long if Fergus gets his way. Luckily, St. Booger decides it’s time to go step in, and seems to possess the Whisperer long enough to angel-zap Fergus. Preeeeeeeeeeetty sure there was no vessel consenting going on, but LOL CANON so NO BIG!

Glowing-KevinSt. Booger angel-zaps the Whisperer to the reservation and heals up any lingering vessel issues.

Freckles follows St. Booger into the next room to try to stare him into joining TEAM LOL CANON.

Dean-faceSt. Booger finally points out what I’ve been saying all season–what the fuck does closing the gates to Hell even mean? Are there repercussions? Will Dimples gets his High B back??

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Meanwhile, the Whisperer wakes from his slumber, and Freckles is so excited he looks like he’s about to climb on board.

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The Whisperer suddenly pulls the third trial out of his stomach (or pocket) and tells them that he figured it out but didn’t tell Fergus. St. Booger interrupts by saying the third trial is to “cure a demon” and my pure seething rage over My Queen and what could have been burns strong and pure.

tumblr_mg8cbzbGZ91qk8t2to2_500The Whisperer looks at St. Booger and asks “who are you?” St. Booger replies:

SPN821HD_2037Over to the obligatory ending scene in the Most Important Object in the Universe, where Dimples says he feels better because they are moving towards “the end” and hallelujah to that one, so long Season Suck.

Meanwhile, they stop to pick-up some Jimmy Novak-shaped road kill that’s just lying there in the road.

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Thoughts:

Um….

J2 are really cute, yayayayaya!

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Episode Calculations:

True Blood Drawl Scale: No Alan Rickman sex voice -1million

Purgatory Monster Gank-o-Meter: Fucking angels -1million

Tarzan!Sam Hair Watch: sassy and wet +5000

Wincestosity: Mama Bear and domesticity +1million

 

Gifs by [info]fiercelynormal    and tumblr

Screencaps by homeofthenutty

 Banner by Heather

Permanent link to this article: http://www.thehomeplanet.org/2013/05/supernatural-8-21-canon-is-what-you-make-of-it-my-friends/

10 comments

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  1. Elisa

    I agree. Wet, toweled, shivering, red-eyed Sam is SEXY AS FUCK.

  2. Pinkwood

    *APPLAUDS*

    This recap was fucking glorious! That postcard banner is definitely the best thing to have come out of the whole year. You should send it in ;) I am totes on board with Team LOL Canon. You’re right. We need to all take a step back and appreciate the lulz. It’s just a show on TV, right? I took a step so far back, I missed the big bang deadline…

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Ahem…

    Well, I loved Sam’s pointy nose and his sickness was inexplicably hot. I liked Jake Gyllenhaal angel talking about Biggersons. The H/C wincestosity was off the charts which is always happy-making. I’m confused about Metatron (amongst many other things lawl) because I am a huge Book of Enoch nerd (I wrote a whole frigging book about it) and Enoch became Metatron, and Enoch was all up in people’s shit, running between Heaven and Earth and generally sticking his beak in, so no idea where the hermit angle is coming from. But if the people writing SHOW aren’t subscribing to 8 year old canon, they sure as fuck aren’t going to pay any mind to Judeo-Christian scripture, amirite?

    I do have a question though. If Metatron is the scribe of God and wrote the angel tablets, why doesn’t he just tell them what’s on them? Why has poor Kevin been locked on boat for the past year?? WHY?!

    Anyway, I’m off to Rome to see all the pretty. Because it’s only a TV show. IT’S ONLY A TV SHOW.

    *Rocks and cries*

  3. sarahk3

    lol, I skipped some of the review, because the Episode gave me and prolly every other fan eva, the tom tits.

    turns out I am irked by the blatant disregard for canon.

    and I’m reading twits from the Con and the boys are trying to excuse the fact that the show doesn’t follow canon in this episode which means they think, that the writers and the actors can do anything they effin well like with a healthy dose of blantant disregard for Canon ….. iz sad for the show.

    and to quote Pinkwood, “it’s only a tv show”, so I don’t know why I’m getting so upset.

    Cheers!

    1. sarahk3

      note: should read tweets not twits but maybe in hindsight twits is probably more applicable.

  4. Meggin Lane

    You’re right, once you give in to the lack of fact checking and canon being our one true base of plot premise it all goes down as plausible so much easier. -hehe. Thank you Carver for freeing us from the restrictions of high expectations!

    Oh and the random use of the giant Egyptian statues in Crowley’s production room, just another way to keep us off balance and wear us down from asking “Why?” He’s brilliant!

    Your comment about woozy Dimples that Freckles made “Hey, at least he’s not seeing Satan, amIright?” WOOT! Put into perspective it is a small step up from that at least-hehe.

    So I know you’re supposed to immerse a fevered person into ice water to rapidly bring their temp down but shouldn’t Freckles have at least kept Dimples nose above the water line? (LOL) Sputter-sputter, cough, ack! But the momma bear toweling was uber cute to watch. snicker.

    Thank you for the slo-mo of Jensen caressing the shoulder of his best buddy in a ‘yup- we b brothers’ gentle way. J2 lives! Jensen is always a bit handsy when it comes to pushing Jared out of harms way.

    And the ‘cure a demon’ bomb they dropped had me seething too. Meg would have been the perfect candidate. Because after it was over she and Cas could have canoodled all they wanted over Pizza Man porn. Darn the luck.

    This recap was proof that you were back in good form and the worst episodes do make the best recaps!

  5. Giacinta

    Terrific, genial recap as usual. :)

    You do the best ones around because they are honest and non-gushy, going right to the heart of what works and what doesn’t; then they are just so amusing too. :)

    I loved your Grand Canyon postcard and although it may seem a small trashing of canon compared to the huge ones that have appeared throughout the season, it so annoyed me.
    Dean clearly stated in Croatoan that they hadn’t been there and it would have been a nice touch to actually see them going one day in the future.

    On well, I suppose you’re right and we will have to enjoy LOL CANON, characters modelling clothes and going grocery shopping.
    Welcome to the new improved SPN! Yuck!

  6. Annaliese

    I loved this episode but I also totally 100% appreciate your recap (perhaps I have mastered stitting back and enjoying LOL canon for what it is?). But hey, if J2 are in it I’ll watch it!

  7. Mck

    You know just because they add new stuff the mythology, doesn’t mean they are ignoring canon.

  8. Lori

    “The Whisperer, as we know, is the only smart person left on the show” – and it that sad? ;(

    Well, not as sad I was that they actually stopped before hitting the road kill , but sad nonetheless

  9. CC

    yay for mama bearing and domesticity!!

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