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Apr 06

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Supernatural 7.18: Dean Winchester and the Flask of Manly Tears

Here we are in the home stretch and…well, we’ll see how it turns out lol. I have an open mind, people! I mean, the fact that the entire preview of this episode contained clips of the Episode That Shall Not Be Named shouldn’t deter me from giving it a fair review, right? RIGHT!

Forget all that though, because in a few days I am going to be in Costa Rica playing with BABY SLOTHS. Yes, you heard me right–BABY SLOTHS.

There is no way that writing about some not-as-funny-as-they-think-he-is hunter can ruin my zen place right now, folks.

 We open up with a bunch of teenage schmucks in the woods. Basically “Wendigo” without the boring white guy from Glee (the one WITH teeth). The best part so far is this boy’s mouth:

Pornstar Mouth’s brother shows up wasted (don’t drink and drive, kids!) and you would never know they were related because the brother looks like that terrifying guy from Children of the Corn. You know who I’m talking about, don’t pretend.

Anyway, Child of the Corn sees ~something and takes off running. Pornstar Mouth placates his braided girlfriend and goes to find him, but of course Child of the Corn is gutted by a tree. Oops!

Over to a rather stylish station wagon, Bell Biv Devoe’s “Poison” playing jauntily in the background. All this is doing is making me think of being 13 and discovering sexual attraction thanks to the guy who sang bass and walked with a pimp cane in Boyz II Men. Mmmmmm, that was a good year. I think my wrist is still sore.

Oh wow. All those thoughts are suddenly out the window, because the next shot is the return of Dobby. Hay Dobby, haaaaaay.

So, yeah, I can’t say I missed him either. I think it’s time for a Sheriff Sassy episode, what do you think? Sheriff Sassy in an epic threesome with Ghost!RUFUS and Ghost!Henriksen. I ship this, folks. I ship it hard.

Somebody likes that idea!

So Dobby is interviewing the girl schmucks from the woods and they tell him something about something or whatever and then Dobby goes and burns someone’s bones, I don’t know, and then does this:

Back to Pornstar Mouth, who is getting drunk in his car (SERIOUSLY GUYS) and I think the director must agree with me, because we get this shot:

So he goes off into the woods alone and drunk because he’s an idiot, obviously. He gets ganked, of course, but forget about that and look at this:

Back to Dobby, who is getting a pupusa and talking to his lady (let’s hope it’s not Becky). I will say that it’s nice to see a seemingly well-adjusted hunter who doesn’t hate his very existence and sit by a body of water and cry one single tear about being flayed in hell for decades and/or his daddy issues.

Over to the Notpala, where Freckles is just getting off the phone with My Queen. She tells him Sparks is still unresponsive with chapped lips, so no change. Freckles is like “NO BIG!” and Dimples is like “do you think they’ll give Misha part of my gummi worm budget next season? I’m a little worried.”

Someone’s jealous I’m not focusing on their mouth, hmmm?

OK, seriously though, stop for a second. I love My Queen, obvs. But how in the world do they think this makes sense? I mean, besides the fact that she literally or metaphorically killed Pastor Jim, Caleb, Jo, Ellen, and all of Mary Winchester’s family, plus tried to kill, molest, and possess every male Winchester–why would she protect Sparks? I mean, you would think she’d try to take off with Sparks the minute the boys left. Or barter him to Crowley or some other high level demon-type for protection.

…..I’m thinking too hard about this shit, so have a baby sloth instead:

Anyway, Dobby calls Freckles to ask for help because I guess the person he torched wasn’t the one ganking Pornstar Mouth & Co. The guys head over to the morgue to meet him, and I’m trying to decide whether Dimples’ hair actually looks good or it’s just a reaction to whatever it was that was happening to it in the last episode.

Freckles is unsure as well.

Dobby is there dressed up like a military dude and, I don’t know guys, have some Jared Padalecki cheekbone action:

Hmmm, I think I am enjoying the hair! It’s still a little Tarzan for my tastes, but it’s possible my standards are getting severely lowered over time.

Dimples heads off to do research, because that’s what he does now that Sparks stole Luci from him. Freckles busts out the EMF and gets a reading, even though Dobby said he already checked and got nothing (ending clue #1, follow along).

Freckles keeps trying to make me forget about Pornstar Mouth. Not working, buddy, try harder (mmm, no really, try harder)

Getting better!

Ah, honey, I know. You just want validation! *pets*

Dimples’ research turns up a local brewery that makes something called “Thighslapper Ale”. Dobby is like:

and Freckles is like:

The three of them head over to the brewery, which I guess is owned by the father of both Pornstar Mouth and Child of the Corn. I suspect that he should talk to Pornstar Mouth’s mom about what the mailman’s lips look like, if ya know what I mean.

Dobby tries for his first TSM entry:

Keep practicing, Dobs! You’ll get it one day.

Dimples and Dobby head off to interview the dad and his asshole partner, who has the furriest eyebrows I’ve seen since Martin Landau won his Oscar.

Furry Brows lets the dad go off and be sad, and instead does the interview for him. He talks about the dude’s four children, which I’m assuming are Pornstar Mouth, Child of the Corn, an Asian, and a baby sloth (mama gets around, I’m just saying).

Oh wait, the manager of the brewery is one of those kids. Hmm, well she looks vaguely Asian (i.e. not at all) so my theory still holds! The fourth kid is totally still a baby sloth.

…until we get to the fourth kid’s house and it’s some random blonde woman. SLOTH IN DISGUISE! YOU CAN’T TRICK ME!

Wait, Sloth Woman has an evol child. If I didn’t watch the finale to season four with my own two eyes, I would swear this was the new bbLilith.

So little Lilith 4.0 takes a sip of Sloth Woman’s screwdriver and…gets totally wasted. WHAT? What kind of vodka was she using–Serbian moonshine? (trust me, from experience, you do not want to mess with Serbian moonshine)

Random trufax tangent of the episode: when I was 3 years old, my mother had a dinner party. After the dinner party, she poured out 12 tiny glasses of amaretto, and then left the room. I, being my mother’s daughter even then, ended up drinking 6 shots before she came back in the room. I’ve been told that instead of dying of alcohol poisoning like she suspected, I instead managed to entertain the whole group by singing “Rock-a-Bye Your Baby with a Dixie Melody” while doing cartwheels.

In order words–this kid is a total lightweight.

This does allow her to see the MOTW (who might be either the lost Asian sibling or an extra from Ringu…or both) gank her mom. Learn to up your tolerance, child, and this wouldn’t happen!

Will I get arrested if I just write “Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner!” on this screencap?

Better not chance it.

Over to the motel of the week, which has a hot tub in it. Dobby is totally cock-blocking the I’m-not-crazy-anymore reunion sex, dude!

I’m just gonna leave this here to represent what could be:

Dimples is inspired.

And tries to drink away his pain.

The boys are then so bored that they sit there and watch Dobby drink his beer.

Freckles is really working those lips, isn’t he? Jealoussssssssss

Dobby, in a shocking turn of events, turns out to be a big a lightweight as Lilith 4.0

He mentions skinny dipping and immediately looks at Dimples, who is all “Deaaaaan, we said we’d never tell anyone about that!”

Dobby tries to go in for that second beer that will take him over the edge into total oblivion, but Freckles ain’t having none of that.

So then there is exposition about something about the case, and I don’t know what really happened because I’m looking at baby sloth gifs on tumblr as I write this, but I think there was another dude who co-owned the brewery and he killed himself and might be a ghost or something. And his widow is suing someone? Or all of them? Does the lost Asian sibling know about this?

Oh c’mon, Freckles, I don’t get paid for this. You can’t expect me to follow the “story” that closely, right? I mean, I noticed your face in this scene, does that count?

Oh, you too, Dimples, I noticed your face too.

Dobby and Freckles head off to talk to Lilith 4.0, who is joined by the Cuckholded Dad and the Fake-Asian Sibling. They manage to get her alone to see what she knows, and Lilith 4.0 is looking at them like “I’m going to eat your brain and then take your soul.”

Then Dobby busts this out:

And I literally start dying laughing, but not for the reason that the writers want me too. Because when I think sockpuppet, I think:

And you either get that reference or you don’t, I so sorry!

Don’t fight it, Jensen.

Dobby’s technique seems to work though, and Lilith 4.0 spills her dark secret about how she can’t hold her Serbian moonshine.

Dimples is off interviewing the dead partner’s hippie widow, who tells him how pissed off he was to be pushed out of the business. He supposedly sent Cuckholded Dad and Fuzzy Brows a gift, a bottle of sake in a box with weird writing. We know what weird writing means on this show, don’t we?

Have I never noticed that Jared has a cleft in his chin?

Back in the station wagon, where Dobby (who seems to be the most competent hunter we’ve seen in years lol) figures out that the MOTW is one you have to be drunk to see. Freckles busts out the flask because a) he’s an alcoholic and b) it allows us to segue to Dobby’s guess that a little bit of OLD CAP DNA is stuck to it since his EMF went off when it was near earlier (End Clue #2). I’m impressed that it took Dobby all of 5 minutes to figure out the direction the show is going lol.


The Winchesters head off to the brewery, where they sneak in and find the cursed bottle of sake. On the security camera in the office (you know what to do, boys!) they find out that Child of the Corn opened the bottle and that’s how he got drunk in the first place.

They don’t see any spirit coming out, but they realize they need to be drunk to see it as well, so they get on that. You would think that if Lilith 4.0 could see the monster with just one sip, that Freckles and his pickled liver (™ my mom) would be golden.

Freckles is like “drink up, Sammy, we finally ditched the sockpuppet guy and we don’t have much time for reunion desk sex!”

Dimples is completely unhelpful about the matter.

Freckles busts out the Serbian moonshine, just in case.

…and they start drinking.

They keep drinking until they can see the Ringu chick on the video.

This seems to excite them greatly.

Freckles keeps drinking because…wait, have you watched the past few seasons at all?

Freckles says that he “misses these talks” and I interpret that to mean “I miss drunk incestuous buttsex“, but that’s just me. Appropriately enough, the gif right after that is labeled “spit or swallow” by Kat lulz.

And curse damn Fuzzy Brows for walking in and being a worse cock block than Dobby, the Devil, and the incest laws of the greater United States and Puerto Rico.

Luckily, Dobby comes in and tasers Fuzzy Brows before he can call the cops and bust them on one of those laws.

Psst, Freckles. You got a little something on your chin there….

The boys get themselves some coffee to sober up and, dayuuuum, look hot doing it.

They take the sake box to get it translated by….Lost Asian Sibling!!

insists that his Japanese accent is better than this dude’s, but beggars can’t be choosers. Of course they find a translator at the local sushi restaurant.

Lost Asian Sibling tells them that the box contained a shojo, who is a total boozehound, ya dig?

Back to the motel, where the boys are confused as they come upon Dobby doing tai-chi on the balcony.

They aren’t feeling the fact that Dobby has Fuzzy Brows tied up in the hot tub, and Dobby is hurt.

The research what a shojo looks like, and it’s basically what Dimples’ hair is going to look like by season 10.

As Freckles is re-filing the flask, Dobby brings up the possible BOBBY haunting. Dimples says that he already busted out the ouija board and tried to contact BOBBY and got denied. Of course we all know how Freckles’ supernatural buddies like to ignore poor Dimples (oh snap!) so that don’t mean much.

Ah, baby, there, there

The boys head off to do what they do, and Dobby stays behind to grill Fuzzy Brows in the hot tub. Somehow, Dobby, who I think we are expected to think is the best hunter since John Winchester (baby come back!), has figured out that the Slacker Janitor that Fuzzy Brows was yelling at in the beginning of the episode is actually his illegitimate kid, and the next possible victim.

Dobby fills his pockets with the contents of the minibar and heads off to the brewery, where Slacker Janitor is being stalked by the Booze Monster.

She kind of looks like my sister when she’s really hungover.

Freckles, meanwhile, has managed to find a samurai sword and gone back to Lost Asian Sibling, who of course is some kind of Shinto priest or something like that, IDK.

Dobby, who is now drunk off mini-vodkas, calls Freckles from the brewery, where he is looking for Slacker Janitor. Freckles calls Dimples and tells him to get his ass over there. Dimples is too drunk to drive (FINALLY) and uses his fake badge and Pantene commercial hair (lol Kat) to commandeer a taxi. He wouldn’t have been able to pull that shit in NYC, where a woman in six inch heels would have knocked him down and trampled on his carcass for trying to steal her cab.

Um, I know what I just said, but I gotta admit–this is the same guy that has been driving all season while hallucinating Satan. And Freckles drinks pretty much 24-7. Now we are worried about drunk driving??

Back at the brewery, Dobby tries to explain to Slacker Janitor their current circumstance. He thinks Dobby is nuts, of course, until the Booze Monster throws Dobby through a window. Ouch.

Luckily, Dimples shows up in time before Slacker Janitor can get ganked. Unluckily, he’s blasted.

Booze Monster knocks Dimples out, and really, how many times can one guy get bashed in the head before he just doesn’t wake up anymore? Of course, that’s probably the least of Dimples’ worries lol

Freckles comes in with the sword, which get promptly knocked out of his hand. Thankfully, in what Kat labels “Deus-ex-Rednecka” (lol ilu bb), it comes right back to him.

Dimples and his drunk TSM help direct non-drunk (huh?) Freckles to gank the Booze Monster.

Look at the screencap version and try and tell me you’re not laughing right now:

After the ganking, Dimples goes off to find Dobby and Freckles just stands there and remains devastatingly attractive.

Don’t worry everyone–Dobby’s fine. I mean, he’s not black, so.

Freckles, meanwhile, is back there trying to commune with GHOST!BOBBY by making a classic woobie face. Dimples lurks drunkenly in the background, wishing he had a face to cradle.

They go back to the motel, where they say goodbye the next morning. You go, Dobby, get those hugs!

Ah, Sparks, don’t cry! I’m sure Luci will hug you if you ask nice. At the very least, My Queen will sit in your lap and grind a little.

Dimples admits that Dobby did grow on him. You know, like athlete’s foot.

They go back inside, where Freckles points out all the ~clues that the writers have been putting in about impending GHOST!BOBBY. Can I just stop right here to ask how the hell BOBBY would know about Sparks/Emmanuel and the fact that Taxidermy guy was healed by him? I mean, is there a ghost network out there that passes around hot tips? Hmmm? I’m not supposed to think this hard, am I? Well then!

Dimples tries to convince him that they are just grieving for once, like normal people, and that there is nothing supernatural about it. Freckles responds to this by looking emotionally fragile and vaguely constipated.

Freckles tentatively agrees, and says that if BOBBY really was a ghost, he would be way more of an awesome ghost than what we’ve gotten so far. Dimples concurs.

And then, because they are nothing if not predictable, we get:

Yeah, yeah, GHOST!BOBBY. Well you all know how I feel about this, even if I clearly love BOBBY. It’s just so…boring. You know that he’s going to end up an angry spirit, and that, to me, is just going to ruin his ending, which was pretty darn perfect. It reminds me, sadly, of when they brought Denny (my first and greatest TV love) back as a ghost on Greys Anatomy. I mean, SPN mocked that storyline in canon! But whatever, I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt (lol) and see how they play it. I’m hoping that there is an actual reason for why he’s such a lame ghost so far.

Thoughts:

Just a note about the huge news that broke the other day about Jeremy Carver returning next season to take over as showrunner from Sera Gamble. I have been harsh on Sera these past few seasons (as I was harsh on Kripke in the back half of season five) but I am truly sad that it looks like she’s leaving the show all together. She has written some of my favorite episodes ever, above all “Faith” and “It’s a Terrible Life” (and many more). I have to admit though that I’m thrilled with the return of Carver, who has always been my fave SPN writer. He has written more episodes in my top 10 and beyond (Mystery Spot! Xmas episode! Point of No Return! Changing Channels! Sin City–CASEY!) and I feel like if they had to bring anyone “new” in, then I’m glad he’s the one.

 More importantly though? CLICK THE FUCKING VIDEO, GUYS:

Meet the sloths from Lucy Cooke on Vimeo.

 

Episode Calculations:

90-Proof Scale of Drunkenness: DID YOU WATCH? +1million

Ackles Aging-Like-Fine-Wine Hotness Scale: Attempts at beating Pornstar Mouth +500,000

Releasing the Kraken Tentacle Watch: I’m sure Dobby likes tentacle porn +1000

Wincestosity: Reminiscing about drunken incestuous buttsex +2million

Gifs by [info]fiercelynormal and tumblr

Screencaps by Home of the Nutty

Permanent link to this article: http://www.thehomeplanet.org/2012/04/supernatural-7-18-dean-winchester-and-the-flask-of-manly-tears/

11 comments

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  1. deansgirl369

    omg, this was hilarious, priceless and perfect. you are a riot. i want to link this somewhere so everyone can enjoy, i just dunno where? my lj? i will if you let me! =} either way, i LOVED this and wanted you to know! thanks!

    1. JC

      Feel free to link away! <3

      1. deansgirl369

        ok, i rec’ced here, if you wanna see it…thanks! =}

        http://deansgirl369.livejournal.com/26288.html

  2. CC

    so pornstar outh was on another show i watch so i was very happy to see his mouth on my screen again :D

  3. Easy O

    Laughed out loud at:

    The research what a shojo looks like, and it’s basically what Dimples’ hair is going to look like by season 10

    and

    Ah, Sparks, don’t cry! I’m sure Luci will hug you if you ask nice. At the very least, My Queen will sit in your lap and grind a little.

    Word on: The Meg stuff makes no sense. Meg is fun but the “We sort of trust her!” stuff is REEEEEEEEEDONk and kinda makes me mad. And — yay! Jeremy Carver! Sera did write some of my favorite episodes, too, tho’ which makes me worry: a good episode-writer does not a good show-runner make, apparently. BUT I HAVE HOPE.

    Ghost Bobby: I agree it’s potentially bad, but I think the vengeful spirit stuff is also potentially interesting. I mean, the show has flirted with the “Sam or Dean could end being a supernatural creature” issue a few times but never gone there entirely (See: Dean as Vengeful spirit in “In My Time of Dying” and Sam’s entire blood-sucking arc), so it’s cool that a human hunter character has actually taken that step (Gordon-as-vampire in Season 3 was interesting but over very quickly). And, looking back, they’ve been laying the groundwork this season, with the whole “The Mentalists” “It hurts ghosts when you burn their bones.” It even makes the third “Killing Dr. Foxy” episode of AWFUL potentially interesting in retrospect (it makes the reminder of “KILLING SUPERNATURAL CAN BE HARD IF THEY’RE YOUR FRIENDS” a little more relevant if they go with killing vengeful-spirit Bobby).

  4. Meggin Lane

    Applauds! Even with such a huge distraction of slothcutness you still created one of the funniest recaps to date. (LOL)

    I’m one of those that want Bobby back so bad I’ll take the Casper version if that’s all we’ll get. But I hope his spirit doesn’t go vengeful on them coz don’t want to see the boys have to put him down like Madison.I also don’t want to see the Impala’s keys flying in the air as GhostBobby tosses them to Freckles either -sheesh. I hope TPTB find a creative way to have them interact though. Phantom charades?

    Sera was one of my fav writers too. But the skill set just didn’t carry over IMO to show runner. I hope Jeremy ( who will probably be at the helm at the time the show ends) will close it with some dignity… oh hell who are we kidding? Let’s pass around the custard pies now (LOL)

  5. Annaliese

    “The research what a shojo looks like, and it’s basically what Dimples’ hair is going to look like by season 10.”

    LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

  6. Pinkwood

    Awesome cap with Bonus!Sloths! A+ bb! <3

    I too was entranced by the porn star mouth, and also the fact that Dimples seemed to get a new shirt. He was looking HOTTER THAN THE SUN. And that's before we talk about some of the ahem… literary treats that were produced as a result of that brotherly drinking scene. UNF.

    I'm quite fond of Garth, I like his perky disposition, but I'm a little afraid of where they're going with Bobby. I think that once you make the decision to wrench a beloved character away for emotional impact, you have to be really carefully about shoving them back in so soon because it cheapens the loss. I think it works much better to bring them back in other ways – like with Ellen. That was kind of heartbreaking all over again, so it really worked. But I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

    Also, because I am a sap, I suspect Meg has FEELINGS for Cas. But that doesn't explain why the boys would entrust her with his care. Hmmm….we shall see.

    I too have been harsh on these last 2 seasons, but mostly because part of me feels 1-5 were pretty much perfect and it was always going to be tough to move on from THE SADDEST OUTCOME OF A SERIES KNOWN TO MAN (even sadder than Prison Break and that was pretty fucking sad). Sera can write and she's totally a Sam/Dean girl (TRUTH) so I'm sad she's going. Excited to have JC back though. He's written all my faves.

    Pleeeeeeeeeeeease snuggle all the sloths for me beebs. I'm so excited for you (and also so jealous I could spit) :D

  7. Vee

    I’m a little late in reading this, but what a lovely way to spend a lazy Easter morning. I’m a bit leary about Bobby’s “return” also. His death was so heartbreaking, and as Pinkwood said above, it might just cheapen the loss. And on a lighter note I find that Dimples drunk TSM gif rather mesmorizing.

    Anyways, have a wonderful time on your trip JC. Please send us pics of cute bb sloths! <333

  8. DZMJ

    “Sheriff Sassy in an epic threesome with Ghost!RUFUS and Ghost!Henriksen.”
    YES I love you

    Awesome recap as always.
    And hey give the sloths a big hug from me, have fun :)

  9. Vera

    LOL LOL LOL PLEASE KEEP DOING THIS FOREVER!

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